ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
