You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
