Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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