If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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