This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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