wanna go halves on a baby?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
