I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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