Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Randomize
