Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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