somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize