Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
