i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
