She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
