Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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