You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
