I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
