i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
