My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
