Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
