I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
