So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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