where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
