Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
