even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
