I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
