Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
