You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
