I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
