I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
