She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
