Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
