So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
