just tell him i said nine months
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
