Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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