Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
The ass gains better be worth it
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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