Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
