addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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