i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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