just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
