I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
