TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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