question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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