Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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