I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Don't make out with my wife yet
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
