Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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