so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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