just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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