I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
