Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
