Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
