i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
