I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
