Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
