he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
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